It wasn't so long ago that I spent 30 hours in excruciating labor pain only to find myself faced with the need to make a choice for my child's safety; to let her possibility of infection increase as she breathed and labored in her meconium filled water bag flushing or to accept the help of modern medicine and proceed abandoning completely my natural birth plan. The choice was easy, get my baby here safely! An epidural and pitocin topped with a nice nap allowed me to progress and deliver the sweetest most precious gift I could have ever been given.
Now, four days later and a few days at home I find myself in awe. This little girl is mine for the keeping. Her safety and growth belongs to her father and I. Shes amazing. Loves to sleep and look around. Is her fathers little princess and her mommies lady bug! I am so beyond blessed.
So far happiness is all I feel. Love and joy. I am so overwhelmed by the completion I feel. Seeing my husband love his little girl melts me into a zillion pieces and let's me fall in love with him in a whole new light. I couldn't have created a better husband or father. He truly is what I need him to be. I hope he knows this. I try to show him as much as possible.
Nights when my husband goes to work seem to leave me a little blue. I am so scares and nervous to not know what or how to do something for our daughter. Tonight I find myself restless. Hard to let my nerves calm and let go. I am really challenged to trust myself and that's beyond hard. I hope I figure it out soon! I know I can do this!
